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| "Tampuhan" by Juan Luna, 1895 |
By Camille Sigrid Vasquez
November 2014
Definitions.
Ligaw or ligaw relationship. A relationship existing between two parties
where one pursues or woos the other.
Nililigawan. The pursued.
Manliligaw. The pursuer.
Power
play. The game of demand and expectations all nililigawans take part in. Nililigawans
engage in power play because in
theory, they have the upper hand in the ligaw
relationship.
1) The nililigawan is wanted.
Since he/she recognizes this, he/she
engages in power-play,
o
for personal gain
o
find out the limits of the efforts the manliligaw is ready to exert for
him/her, hence secure a relationship favorable to him/her, and
o
in the case of multiple manliligaws, to help decide which manliligaw to accept.
2) The manliligaw must defeat the power-play.
All
ligaw relationships include at least
an amount of power-play in the part of the nililigawan,
however, the onset of such power-play may be delayed (discussed later). In any
case, the manliligaw must defeat the
power-play by complying to the demands and expectations required by the
power-play. It is the only way to survive the relationship, achieve the last
stage and move on to the next phase (Dating or Steady).
3) The goal of the manliligaw is to achieve the last stage
of the positive manliligaw-nililigawan relationship.
There are three main stages of a
positive manliligaw-nililigawan relationship.
First, called INDIFFERENCE, is
when the nililigawan cares not about
the manliligaw at all. Criteria for
classification include:
o
Both parties must know that a ligaw relationship is being established
o
A power play may or may not take place. If a power
play is taking place, the manliligaw
makes effort to defeat it (i.e. complying to demands etc.). If there is no
definite power play or demands, the manliligaw
makes effort to catch the attention of the nililigawan
and woo her.
o
The nililigawan
is fully aware of the actions of the manliligaw
related to the ligaw relationship,
however, is not interested in it in any way.
o
The nililigawan
has no immediate plan to terminate the ligaw
relationship.
Second, called INTEREST, is when
the nililigawan shows interest either
in the actions or efforts of the manliligaw
or in the manliligaw himself/herself,
although still not willing to take positive action to lessen the power-play.
This stage is sometimes associated with significantly increased power-play and
demand. Criteria for classification include:
o
Both parties must know that a ligaw relationship is being established
o
A power play by the nililigawan is taking place
o
The manliligaw
makes effort to comply to the demands and defeat the power play.
o
The nililigawan
is fully aware of the actions of the manliligaw
related to the ligaw relationship
(the demand compliance, attempts to defeat the power play etc) and has been
paying attention to it.
o
The nililigawan
has no immediate plan to terminate the ligaw
relationship.
Last, called CONCERN, is when
the nililigawan shows enough interest
in the manliligaw that he/she is
willing to or actually tone down or, in some cases, even abolish the
power-play. This is the goal of the manliligaw.
This stage usually marks the point where the nililigawan is ready to accept the manliligaw. Criteria for classification include:
o
Both parties must know that a ligaw relationship is being established.
o
The ligaw
relationship has been in the INTEREST stage.
o
A power play by the nililigawan has taken place, and that said power play is being
minimized in favor of the manliligaw
o
The manliligaw
continues to woo the nililigawan even
without or diminished demands and power play
o
The nililigawan
is fully aware of the actions of the manliligaw
related to the ligaw relationship
(the demand compliance, attempts to defeat the power play etc) and has been
paying attention to it.
o
The nililigawan
has no immediate plan to terminate the ligaw
relationship and may actually be considering to upgrade the relationship (to
Dating or Steady).
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