A Relationship Should Free You

“Nasasakal ako.”
“He’s too controlling.”
“It’s like I can’t breathe in this relationship.”
“We always talk about her, and then she gets mad if I suddenly feel like spending a day away from her.”

This is freaking very common.

Before anything, let me just say I'm no relationship expert. I’ve only been steady with one guy, my first and present boyfriend, for roughly a year and half now. Sure, I had a couple of flings since highschool, but yeah, not enough for me to start dictating stuff about relationships.

So anyway I'm gonna say this:

A RELATIONSHIP SHOULD FREE YOU, NOT BIND YOU.

Wait. This is the common sense angle of relationships: you date someone, you tell them about you, they like you, they may want to know what you’re doing or where you are 24/7 (maybe they’re clingy, or worried, jealous/suspicious, bored etc.). Which is kinda what really happens. So how come I'm saying that a relationship should free you, not bind you?

It’s actually a matter of perspective.


Let me ask you: how would you describe the things your partner does?

In psychology, we learned that what we see is pretty much determined by what we believe in. I see my professor as bitchy and unfair, because that's what I believe. I see ghosts because I believe they're real. I can't see that my brother is trying to be really sweet to me, because I believe he's just annoying and gross.

If we think our partners are clingy, maybe because that's what we believe in. Maybe, for us, the way he/she texts every half an hour is clingy-ness, but for him/her, it's not. Maybe, for us, the way he/she constantly asks about your plans for the day is clingy-ness, but for him/her, he/she just wants to know where you'll be or who you'll be with so he/she won't be so worried. We really gotta start putting things in context.

Of course, I might also be just rationalizing clingyness (or even my own). Honestly, I'm clingy sometime around shark week (Yes, shark week). But come to think of it, when you see this article that way, you're also in a way trying to defend yourself, as you may be that someone who says, "Nasasakal ako".

Or maybe it's just your shark week.

But you said, A RELATIONSHIP SHOULD FREE YOU. How?

Again, a matter of perspective.

Look at relationships this way: YOU GET TO BE YOURSELF because you're with a person you're comfortable with. If you're into all the shit that the world today offers, you know there's someone who at least knows about it, maybe even shares that interest, and, in the case of really remotely weird shit, is okay with it. Is it not freeing to know that you're no longer bound to what other people think of you, because fuck them all, someone loves me.

Instead of evading all his/her, "so, what will you be doing on the weekend" because it seems annoying, enjoy it because you know there's a person out there who is interested in you. Someone who genuinely cares about you. Maybe he/she's asking because maybe you need someone to go with you and that he/she is more than happy to. Maybe he/she texts you because he/she just wants to know how your day is going and if there is something he/she can do. And those are just the common examples.

Ah, but what the hell.